I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
