Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
