If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
