stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
