Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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