it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
