ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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