they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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