Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Jerry, you need to find god
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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