matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
