Just fell off a train. Bad.
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Two words: nipple clamps
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