i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
