Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
