Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
