Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
