3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was like his penis was on wheels.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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