I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
