when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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