shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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