I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
