I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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