Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
