can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
