Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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