I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
