The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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