i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
