they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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