I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
