U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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