i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
