she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
