This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
