I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I have aggressive nipples.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
