I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Sober January is a disaster.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
