Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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