Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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