Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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