Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
