I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
