I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
