i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize