I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
