You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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