I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
