What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
