She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
