I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
