non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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