WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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