I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
