the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
